Thursday, April 14, 2005

European Union literary standards - the lighter side of culture

Taking a lighter look at European Culture here are some extracts from an article on the Commission for European Standards: Literary which appeared in the Spring 2004 issue of The Hungarian Quarterly.

Novelists based in the Europe Union please take special note of the following extracts:

The Hungarian Writers' Union has been informed by a source in Brussels that, after a series of confidential conferences, an agreement is imminent on obligatory literary standards for all EU member states. Nations due to join the EU in the 2004 round of accession were also present at the conferences in an observer status, without the right to vote (Slovak, Slovenian and Hungarian writers' organisations are said to have protested because they were not invited). Our correspondent has been able to obtain this draft copy of the chapter relating to the novel only.

The Novel must be arranged through an Action, namely into a beginning, middle and an end, and this arrangement is obligatory. This trinity is defined as Action-Bow. In the absence of an Action-Bow, a Novel is not allowed to be published, distributed or written in the territory of any Member State of the European Union.

.....A Novel may be Historical, Social or Extreme.

10) A Historical Novel is one that deals with the past-time circumstances of individuals (as defined under common European Law), and its morals are Humanist in the sense that this term is determined by the relevant Standards of the European Union (see Paragraph 7, Chapter CVL). In an Historical Novel, a so-called "post-modern" or "interventional" procedure is inapplicable.

11) A Social Novel is one the Author of which describes contemporary society (societies). Positively presenting the work of the official bodies of the Union is preferred.

12) An Extreme Novel is one that falls outside the fields defined under Sub-Sections 10 and 11, but meets all other criteria. The support provided to an Extreme Novel must not be higher than 20 per cent of the support provided for Historical and Social Novels.

........ The following are accepted as Negative Characters: Islamic Fundamentalists, Suicide Bombers, Extraterrestrials, Nazis, Fascists, Bolsheviks, Murderous Armed Robbers, Mass Murderers, Desecrators of Dead Bodies, Paedophiles and Anti-EU Demonstrators. Characters not included in the above list are Positive Characters.

D) Positive Main Characters recommended exceptionally strongly:

a) A grandmother who underwent many terrible tribulations before the advent of the EU with her spiritual and moral integrity remaining intact, and who now educates her grandchildren single-handedly in such a manner that they become upright, law-abiding citizens of the European Union who meet the challenges of business life.

b) A scholar of Jewish origin who suffered Nazi and/or Bolshevik imprisonment, but was redeemed by the ideas of Free Market and Christianity, who adopts at least two African or Asian orphans and educates them to become law-abiding citizens of the EU successful in business.

c) A young man or woman originating from an ethnic minority of an EU Member State who succeeds in having his/her minority accepted by the dominant ethnic group of the given Member State, thus contributing to the relief of latent ethnic conflicts. Especially recommended to the states joining the European Union after 2004 is the portrayal of young, upwardly-mobile, optimistic members of the Roma minority. In this type of novel the rappers and folk singers of Roma descent 2004 accession countries should have dazzling careers and should be subjects of admiration, especially on the part of the youth of the majority group in the countries concerned.

d) Erotic or Sexual Novels must have as their Positive Main Character prostitutes who as children were forced by violence, beatings and torture to provide sexual services, their passport was taken from them, but who succeed in escaping their tormentors and in helping the police imprison them, while liberating their fellow-sufferers from captivity. An additional 20 per cent support is due to the Sexual Novel whose Main Character is an Asian, African, Latin-American, Russian, Ukrainian, Kazakh or Turkmenian immigrant. It is mandatory that such Novels have detailed instructions on protection against AIDS. A failure to meet this condition means that the Novel must not be supported.
In Novels with an Erotic or Sexual content, the description of any sexual position other than those described in the Kama Sutra is strictly prohibited.
Disclaimer: Europolyphony accepts no responsibility for bloggers and novelists who take the above seriously.